Thursday, March 18, 2010

Amuka and Atole

Hi guys

cheeeiii its been to long on this blogger sef, I don't even feel guilty again cos all bloggers are on twitter. hehehe well I do feel kinda guilty cos blogger was my first love after facebook
On the 11th was my blogversary woohoo a whole year blogging and its been wonderful I remember my first post and how I used to refresh the post every 5minutes to see if anybody had dropped a comment, and I also used to spam people's comment boxes! cheeei I don try
I'm sure most of you are familiar with the terms Amuka and Atole
Amuka means one that sucks his/her fingers
Atole( one that pees on the bed)

I was an Amuka, I really don't know at what age i started sulking my two fingers yes o two fingers, but at that time it was the best thing that could ever happen to me.
It was like a drug, when I was deep in sleep my mom or dad would come and take it out of my mouth and the fingers would go right back
They tried all the tricks in the book rubbing pepper on the fingers rubbing the fingers with bitterleaf( i died so damn bitter duh) I would just take my toothbrush and tooth paste and brush my fingers to remove the taste of the pepper or the bitterleaf! and the fingers went back in. I was bad abi? (soap and water didnt do justice and it just destroyed the sulking experience)
Mama Tinu resorted to all sorts I would tell your friends in school you sulked but whenever she passed that Corona gate she just forgot.
Finally Mama Tinu was fed up with my sulking and one day decided to tie one of my fingers with that black celotape the rubber one and she said "If you take it off, you would sleep out side beside the maygauard" and you guys know that Mama Tinu don't play! so had the masking tape on for the weekend, she finally took it off and then my finger, was black cos she tied the tape on too tight and blood wasnt flowing to my nail, so the nail fell off and I just stopped sulking. I stopped sulking when I was 10, and then the years after braces!

The atole in our house was my younger brother he just couldn't stop peeing, and it drove my parents mad especially my dad. and whenever they asked him :why dont you get up in the middle of the night when you feel like peeing and go to the bathroom?" His response was that when he wanted to be he always dreamt that he was in the bathroom, so he just peed!
this went on for a couple of years and trust the masters of punishment Mama and Papa Tinu to come up with the worst
My brother slept on mats, cos the mattress had started to stink and the boy still peed on the floor.
Flogged him but still didn't stop him from peeing
He spent a night in the bathroom, yup he slept there, at least that night he didn't pee hehehe
After a while my parents just gave up and he just stopped peeing!
So were any of you atoles or amukas?? tell your story!

Have a fab week

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Getting my blog Mojo back

Hi guys
cheii its been too long
theres just tooo much going on with school and work(yes o I'm now part of the labour force which reminds me I can now call my parents by their name, they said I could when I got a job I keed I keed)
seriously I'm at work blogging o, and its only my second day God please don't let them fire me I promise not to blog again just let me finish this post.
So on thurday went to get my nails done and there this little girl that comes in with her mom to get her nails done, yes people she got a manicure and the works ( i sound like all these village women bt should girls at age 7 be getting manicures???i think not)
lets just say I remebered when I decided to pain my own nails (you see you people its when I see something that I can relate to that is when I decide to blog) so I painted my nails with this bright red colour and trust my gangsta mother to flip I was abt 7 at the time
Mama Tinu: Ki n to laju mi lo fi obe isu fa nail polish yen (before I open my eyes go and use the knife for cutting yam to scrape off the nail polish)
well after the crying and mommie I'm sorry and it would never happen again and I would never use nail polish till I'm 21 she let me use nail polish remover and lets just say I fianlly got approval to paint my nails and shape my eyebrows when I finished secondary school just in time for prom.(yes I had prom)
*Can you guys remember when we first started reading, getting ready for primary school
Queen's premier
We go up, up we go
the cat is fat
the fat cat sat on the mat
* Ali and Simbi , Ali goes to school and the other stories
*Simbi and her puff puff hair
*Brighter Grammar
*and pls why did some teachers just use us to catch trips telling us to march to class leeefff riiiiiii lefff riiiiiii forward march waaan twoo.
*when we got to class we would start reciting 2 times table to 12 times table, states and capitals, masculine and feminine, word and opposites and the likes
* when a teacher walked in to class
class captain: class greeet
class: GOOOOOOOOOODDDMOOOOORRRRRRRNING Mr Ugbodu( my math teacher in Corona)
*end of school song Good bye teacher good bye friends good bye everybody we are going home!

PS the Nigerian Blogger Awards is coming up so pls just keep you eyes and ears, laptop and computers Open!!hehehe
Blogsville your girl is back
have an awesome week

Friday, January 22, 2010

Risikat Tours and Travels Part 2

Ladie and Gentumen

We are Risikat Tours and travvus are soo sorry for the break in transmisshun, hasually there was a prooblem with the hengine ko de fe start, so we just hafe to call owa sista compnee to come and gife hus hanother buzz, so as now the new buzz as come izz a bit smaller than owa hold buzz so eferybody just hafe to queez themself,

*everybody enters the bus and there is another passenger still waiting to be seated*

Oya o, slim haunty oya let someone to lap you, we have sometin fery specaillay for you as we have inconvient you e moh binu

Oya huncuu oya enter, eeehnnnn some people should dress ni let there be space, eheeeen we can now continue owa tour

Hasually this bus there is no hair conditioner so we juzz have to hopen owa window so dat we can be having some fresh hair, also for heveryone to be able to rememba owa tour we are giving eash and hevery one of you hand fan, tanks so mush for your co operation

We are now about to continue from where we stop

Oya Mussssiiii start engine yen o jare broda mi

So the last time we stopped at Tarzan boats, as you can seee some places have been cleared it used to be a mini market maroko market
also we see a lot of construction, the Lagos government wasnt to make the Lekki-Epe expressway mush bigger as soo many people are moving to the Lekki Area dazz why there is soo mush of go-slow
Ehen , so on the left we have Mobee peshrol stashun and also nest to this peshroo statshun is their eeed hoffice, yes this biiiiding dat have so much of glass.

then on the right side we have cactus restoorant ear in this plaize they sarver fery fery nice food bi hice cream,poraro ships and shicken and awon mede mede

as you can see coming up is a block of flats dizz plaize use to be one taasan and four all owa gofment workers used to live here before before

up next we have the civic centre dizz another naize place if u wanna do parry or suntin it is hasually overlooking the lagoon warra

right beside ear we haf Nigeria Law school, this is the school all the sharge and bail, corporate and all kin of lawyers come to like exactly this is a school for lawyers that want to practice law

Ok people Im sooo sorry i havent blogged since last year exams,travelled home for christmas had a blast and err the internet wasnt reall suitable for blogging effectively

Oh well

I'm back



have an awesome weekend!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Taaanzgifing, what are you thankful for?

My wonderful awesome beautiful people,

Sorry for the break in transmission, been mad busy with school and exams are coming up in about two weeks, so i dnt think I would have time to put up Risikat part 2 till exams are over but definately after exams!

OOOOOOOH and if u havent heard about the new blogshow For the Love of Ray Ray head over to Fabulola's blog to get the juicy jist

And also in the spirit of thanksgiving * and also lack of nothing to blog about*I definately have a lot to be thankful for

1. For life, im very very guilty of taking it for granted, waking up, going to school and coming back everyday nobody jam my leg, notin fall on my head i dey kampe, 1o fingers 10 toes 2 hands 2 legs 1 head,2 eyes 1 mouth 1 nose 2 ears,everything is in tact Im thankful, nko nko o se mi(nothing do me) im soooo mush grateful, waking up every morning is not our right its a blessing!

2 For my family my parents my mother who is heaven sent dnt know what I would ever do without her, my brother who is such a man now driving and things I remember when we used to fight about who got the clean money and dirty money, and who had to sit in the front seat, looool my extended family dem dey too kampe infact all of dem full ground, even though they drive me nuts sometimes I'm soo grateful I have them

3. Im grateful for the fact that I have God (this should have been first o) that loves me and surprises me when I least expect I'm very very thankful, that he forgives me despite my MANY SHORTCOMINGS!

4 My blogville and tweetvilee family, I really dont know what I would do without you, I'm happy i eegal aka Alabama, Lolia, Bob Ij,Fabulola, Temite ,Bumight, Fumsdrebirth, Kemberly(finally found out who I was loooool),Mz Eny aka sharawama lomo, Real Niajbloke ,Nice Anon ,Original Mgbeke, Ms O,Solomonsydelle,,Chari, Bubbles ,Scribbles,Iphyigbogirl , my darling Chayoma,Taymee,Mis LNQ, Luchi, Taymee , Ray and his raysins too and Naijabloka ok this is starting to sound like that maltina even they used to do during christmas and children would come and say I want to wish my mommie my daddie my sistas and brodas of number 51 Abulegba a merry chrizmas and a happy new year, loooool but seriously I'm thankful that I know you all(if I ddint menshun your name no vex)

5. Im grateful for my friends, 9years been through soo much love you all

6.I dunno if i should be grateful to be in school, cos right now its killing me ok im thankful for school because all this work im doing I hard better be making mad ego later in life, I pray the same for you all

7. My darling niece Aaliyah she's sooooo gorgeous, cant wait to have my triplets yes it shall be okay if you all start praying for me ehn!taaaanz sooo much

These are just a handful of my blessings o, beacsue if i should hasuallay start to count my blessings it would be an epistle,

what are you thankful for?

Happy thanksgiving people,all the best in your exams if you have any God bless

A very grateful Tinu

P.s Risikat would be back soooonest!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

RisikaT Tours and Travels Nigeria Limited PLC

Eyin Peeopu mi
You know I told u a while back that Mama Tinu came and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves desite all the fights
So went on a tour to Niagra Falls awesommme in my mother's words she went to go and see the one of the wonders of the world, and then we went wine tassting loveeeelly
any wine drinkers here in blogsvilee should try Ice wine from Niagra they have this peachy and grape scents!beauuuutiful

As I mentioned above we went on a tour and the tour guide was sha telling us the history about the places we passed and all, and how they were formed and where we could get things
Can you imagine if they gave a tour in Lagos?????
truzz ur geh im def going to give you a sample!!!

Ladie and Gentumen wehcome to Risikat Tours and Travels Nigeria Limited PLC

we specialize in tours and trips arond Laogzz,USA and united kingdom, tickets,drivers lisense international drivers licence,also US and UK visa,yaaaport pickup and drop off,wedding planning and catering savices,we are also tinking about esspanding owa savices to designing and event planning!!

But dizzz not why you hare ere right now we are going to start owa tour we are juzz waiting for owa driver he went to go and pizzz

I foget to hintroduze mysef my name is Risikat hi ham the daughter of de howna hof this bizness!!

Owa drifa has now come hees name is Musibawu hees my broda

So now owa tour is going to start

we are gonaa kick off owa tour from VINGINC!yes dizz hestate is for some of awon gbo gbo bigz boy and bigz geh of Lagos state of Noigera, yez in diz hestate we haf ouses that look like basilicas some haf remote control for deir gate,dizzz a very respetable area to live hin, the road hin diz hestate is relay big like the road in london, hit also has a club house like Ikoyi is club where alorof people do aloroof eskesize!!

Nest up we have Eleganza plaza dizzz own by Shief Razak Okoya maker of eleganza biro,cooler,plastic,!

coming hup we have shefron owsing hestate dizz where hall the people that are manufaturing peshroleum are living ear, just to be it convienience for them to go to work so that the workers will not be complain to their oga da there is travvic or suntin like that daz why the plaze of work iz close to their owse

we are now fast approashing Jakande ear iss like the buzzzing harea in the lekki side, like ear is de plaze that a loorrf market hare, women selling fish and all sort of food sturvs

as you can see ladies and getumen there are alorrof petrol station in dizzz lekki harea, sush as oando, tezzaco and oder ones too .we also just passed Chisco,Ifesinachi and Jide Offor motor park from ear you can get on a bus that will take you to anywhere in noigeria yezz instead of somebody to henter hearoplane, you know hearoplane is a dangerous transportaion devize

we hare fast happroashing lekki phase one bet on the right ladies and gentumen is the Dizzday event centre I know some of you are wondering if this where they produzee the newspaper hassuali no, dizz the plaze where thisday company hold their hevent like for intazee izz thisday dat bring Beyonze Jay zz snoop doggy dog henvogue brick and lace and soo many other oyinbo singers to come and parform for owa noigeria pepu it was a relay naizee concaart

Also behind the hevent centre we have another owsing hestate

I'm sure you pepu notice that there alorrof of owsing hestate in Lekki, yezz dizz the newest place to move to in Lagos

We are now by Lekki phase 1 owsing hestate dizz one of the major owsing hestate int he lekki harea!
on the left we have the paaams shopping centre, dis like a mall that we see in the mofies, soo many shops inside tivveny hmaber, sleek make hup, shoprite where you can get alorrof of niaze stuf for sheap, alooroof stores here like when you heven henter the plaize is like your abroad you know
also on the right we have tarzan boat club,
upcoming we have the mobil ile epo bilding this where all the work for mobil is done you know

stay tuned for part 2!


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Major Dilemma!

My people I havent forgoten I have a blog o!!

No way!!

Infact this weekend I promise another post just keep coming ehn!!

Got this from a friend and I thought I should share, yes I know lately I've been doing a lot of sharing why because God loves a cheerful giver ;o) and I have run out of things to write but not to worry imma put on my blogging cap this weekend and blog away!I hope!

September 1, 2008

The Area Manager

Dear Sir,


I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos .As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive totheir responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not whatyour country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decidedto give back.I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake upwith electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to.This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week ofc onstant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all myclothes because I didn't know when 'light' will be impounded on your orders.

After 2 days, the 'light' was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen '4hours' of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the watercools and I drink. I just don't know what to do.

All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC.

My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant'light'.

My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks.

Half of mylight bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complainingthat the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth.

Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find iteasier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight

.All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep havesuddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM ( Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their workhas been done.

Can you imagine what will happen to the membership ofchurches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when Irealized that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged.

Therefore this constant 'light' is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progresswho want you to miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realized this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month.

These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight?s, generators,inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endlesssound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged byceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in naming ceremonies: When people have no light athome, what else do they do with their time other than "making babies"

Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having 'light'. The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now.As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realize that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 blackmonths. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't.This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.Your humble servant


see why we have to and should Light up Nigeria

have a fantastic weekend people!



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Special Centre Experience

Hi People
So these past few days I've been having a lot of midterms and all, and errrr because I'm always on twitter I hardly find the time to finish studying and when I get to class I dnt know what happens but I become an air-head!as in there's nada in my head!
I've done soo many external exams JAMB and co and passed soo many notes in class that I should have at least the faintest idea of dubbing!
but lai lai I'm too much of a chicken to even look at another person's work talkless of bringing a piece of paper to class and besides that the fear of being kicked out!and then their is the fear of Mama Tinu being the beginning of wisdom in books!

I remember taking G.C.E exams one time in SS2!
I went to one ajebutter all girls school where they had drilled the consequences of cheating into our heads
So going to write G.C.E in another school, I already had this mindset that everybody's nose was going to be in exam papers boy was I in for the shock of my life!
Got there early and of course the exam papers and the invigilator were no where to be found, apparently he was on Okada to the examination hall
Remember them carrying the green bag that had to be locked with one heavy padlock!
He got there and we all started and after 5mins he said he was going out to eat!
So another person came in and I thought it was like the replacement invigilator was I wrong!!!
The guy just started "Henglish heggzzzamm foorst Number 1 Ha, Number 2 c Number 3 heee number 4 b" yes people he was calling out the answers I didnt even know if I should shade the answers or just continue my own work as a good girl!
I sha continued my work, the lady beside me looked like a mother, was like "Ahn ahn you dnt want the ansaaahs?oya look at my paper and copy the ansaaahs"
JIIIIISSSSSOOOOSSS!!I swear I thought I was hearing double, in school I dare not look into another person's answer sheet and here she was offering me her paper!
I took it o, yes people all my goodygoody left me!at the back of my mind I was like WWJD?(What would Jesus Do?after all my mother was a sunday school teacher)i shaded like it was going out of fashion !kai!
the "invigilator" guy was still calling the answers!,he jumped from 26-35 everybody was like ahn ahn where are the answers from 26-35, he said :that is the impediment" meaning that those are the ones we have to get wrong , cos we couldnt get evrything right
everybody"ok ok sah continue "
number taaarty sissss hee, number 37 haaaaayyy.
until he finished.
then moved to math and did the same!

Time to collect the papers, and they were supposed to be collected according to your number but mine wasn't on the list, I was in the wrong class!!!the class filled with mothers and fathers and people who needed to have it on their resume that they had at least completed O levels, they had all paid to get the answers given to them! also known as Special Centres
I was sha told by the invigilator to "urry hup and go to the right class and submit the paper"!and I did!
After the exams being my mother's first child she was there to pick me up she asked me how the exams were, I didnt know if to tell her the truth or to say they exams were GREAT!
I told her the truth!I told her everything she laughed soo hard,till she was crying,and told me that at least I have seen life outside my school and to see that not everything is going to rosy!!!

Then there was my ultimate experience with JAMB!
I had been given soo many past questions papers by my lesson teacher and those JAMB math were tough!I sha had to do it cos my parents hadn't spoken to me of going anywhere my choices were Unilag,University of Ife and UNIPORT!!or Ahmadu Bello University I cant remember!
off to the exam hall I went, pencils sharpened, math set in tact and all the necessary things
this time I was in the right class no special centre rubbish!
Exams started, this was the period where every Tom, Dick and Harry in Lagos had a fone a Nokia 3310 to be exact!
To many characters in my class
This babe beside me she just kept on getting text after text after text and it was that annonying nokia ringtone sound for texts!
there was another girl that wasnt writing anything, we had english first, she was asked why she wasnt writing she was like ahn that she waiting to chemistry and physics!!
then there was another guy and our invigilator caught him cheating
Invigilator:where is the paper?
Boy:which paper ma?
Slaps the boy
INV;where is the paper?
boy:i dnt have any paper
inv:heeeenns hup lemme saarch u,
she called for a male invigilator
boy puts his hands up
checked his pockets everything
the still didnt find the paper, you won't believe where the paper was, it was in btwn his fingers!!
I havent held laughter like that before,

Tell me about your own cheating or cooperation experiences, did you sneak in Exam Focus, did you write on your thighs, did you chew the paper when you almost got caught!!
Tell me!!!
Have a fab rest of the week
God bless