Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Major Dilemma!

My people I havent forgoten I have a blog o!!

No way!!

Infact this weekend I promise another post just keep coming ehn!!

Got this from a friend and I thought I should share, yes I know lately I've been doing a lot of sharing why because God loves a cheerful giver ;o) and I have run out of things to write but not to worry imma put on my blogging cap this weekend and blog away!I hope!

September 1, 2008

The Area Manager

Dear Sir,


I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos .As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive totheir responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not whatyour country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decidedto give back.I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake upwith electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to.This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week ofc onstant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all myclothes because I didn't know when 'light' will be impounded on your orders.

After 2 days, the 'light' was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen '4hours' of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the watercools and I drink. I just don't know what to do.

All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC.

My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant'light'.

My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks.

Half of mylight bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complainingthat the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth.

Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find iteasier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight

.All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep havesuddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM ( Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their workhas been done.

Can you imagine what will happen to the membership ofchurches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when Irealized that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged.

Therefore this constant 'light' is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progresswho want you to miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realized this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month.

These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight?s, generators,inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endlesssound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged byceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in naming ceremonies: When people have no light athome, what else do they do with their time other than "making babies"

Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having 'light'. The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now.As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realize that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 blackmonths. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't.This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.Your humble servant


see why we have to and should Light up Nigeria

have a fantastic weekend people!



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Special Centre Experience

Hi People
So these past few days I've been having a lot of midterms and all, and errrr because I'm always on twitter I hardly find the time to finish studying and when I get to class I dnt know what happens but I become an air-head!as in there's nada in my head!
I've done soo many external exams JAMB and co and passed soo many notes in class that I should have at least the faintest idea of dubbing!
but lai lai I'm too much of a chicken to even look at another person's work talkless of bringing a piece of paper to class and besides that the fear of being kicked out!and then their is the fear of Mama Tinu being the beginning of wisdom in books!

I remember taking G.C.E exams one time in SS2!
I went to one ajebutter all girls school where they had drilled the consequences of cheating into our heads
So going to write G.C.E in another school, I already had this mindset that everybody's nose was going to be in exam papers boy was I in for the shock of my life!
Got there early and of course the exam papers and the invigilator were no where to be found, apparently he was on Okada to the examination hall
Remember them carrying the green bag that had to be locked with one heavy padlock!
He got there and we all started and after 5mins he said he was going out to eat!
So another person came in and I thought it was like the replacement invigilator was I wrong!!!
The guy just started "Henglish heggzzzamm foorst Number 1 Ha, Number 2 c Number 3 heee number 4 b" yes people he was calling out the answers I didnt even know if I should shade the answers or just continue my own work as a good girl!
I sha continued my work, the lady beside me looked like a mother, was like "Ahn ahn you dnt want the ansaaahs?oya look at my paper and copy the ansaaahs"
JIIIIISSSSSOOOOSSS!!I swear I thought I was hearing double, in school I dare not look into another person's answer sheet and here she was offering me her paper!
I took it o, yes people all my goodygoody left me!at the back of my mind I was like WWJD?(What would Jesus Do?after all my mother was a sunday school teacher)i shaded like it was going out of fashion !kai!
the "invigilator" guy was still calling the answers!,he jumped from 26-35 everybody was like ahn ahn where are the answers from 26-35, he said :that is the impediment" meaning that those are the ones we have to get wrong , cos we couldnt get evrything right
everybody"ok ok sah continue "
number taaarty sissss hee, number 37 haaaaayyy.
until he finished.
then moved to math and did the same!

Time to collect the papers, and they were supposed to be collected according to your number but mine wasn't on the list, I was in the wrong class!!!the class filled with mothers and fathers and people who needed to have it on their resume that they had at least completed O levels, they had all paid to get the answers given to them! also known as Special Centres
I was sha told by the invigilator to "urry hup and go to the right class and submit the paper"!and I did!
After the exams being my mother's first child she was there to pick me up she asked me how the exams were, I didnt know if to tell her the truth or to say they exams were GREAT!
I told her the truth!I told her everything she laughed soo hard,till she was crying,and told me that at least I have seen life outside my school and to see that not everything is going to rosy!!!

Then there was my ultimate experience with JAMB!
I had been given soo many past questions papers by my lesson teacher and those JAMB math were tough!I sha had to do it cos my parents hadn't spoken to me of going anywhere my choices were Unilag,University of Ife and UNIPORT!!or Ahmadu Bello University I cant remember!
off to the exam hall I went, pencils sharpened, math set in tact and all the necessary things
this time I was in the right class no special centre rubbish!
Exams started, this was the period where every Tom, Dick and Harry in Lagos had a fone a Nokia 3310 to be exact!
To many characters in my class
This babe beside me she just kept on getting text after text after text and it was that annonying nokia ringtone sound for texts!
there was another girl that wasnt writing anything, we had english first, she was asked why she wasnt writing she was like ahn that she waiting to chemistry and physics!!
then there was another guy and our invigilator caught him cheating
Invigilator:where is the paper?
Boy:which paper ma?
Slaps the boy
INV;where is the paper?
boy:i dnt have any paper
inv:heeeenns hup lemme saarch u,
she called for a male invigilator
boy puts his hands up
checked his pockets everything
the still didnt find the paper, you won't believe where the paper was, it was in btwn his fingers!!
I havent held laughter like that before,

Tell me about your own cheating or cooperation experiences, did you sneak in Exam Focus, did you write on your thighs, did you chew the paper when you almost got caught!!
Tell me!!!
Have a fab rest of the week
God bless